Pants has a run-in with the scary shovel guy from Home Alone. Bags is lost at sea. Are Amber Alerts more effective than milk cartons? (Yes). And finally, we're not as witty as we think we are.
0 Pants has an IMDB page
5 We'll do a greater than median job.
9 What's In Your Glass?
12 Are Amber Alerts more effective than milk cartons?
17:30 Pants has to at least try ASMR
24 Bags is lost at sea
40 DOUBLE BRAD
46 Pants makes a goddamn drink
54 Backstory: Hero Dad
56 #WorstSong to have as your ringtone during a job interview
1:09 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?
This week, it's the return of #Keldog. Our mom is back on the show, she's three Stoli's deep, and she's ready to rumble. We play all our favorite games, including mom reading death metal lyrics. She also recounts descriptive stories of our births. It's gross.
0 Every episode is special
5:30 What's in your glass?
13 Who Is Harambe? Our mom weighs in.
15:30 What Has Erik Committed to Memory
19 Backstory? Backgammon Story.
28 Oh my God, why are we talking about Bridgegate
31 Keldog AMA
48 Our mom gets fired from Burger King
54 Mom Reads Death Metal Lyrics
1:09 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame
It's Christmas in July! We have a new EP, Pants does a Ted Cruz impersonation, and we are struck by the adversity of hot air balloon accidents.
0 The Vivica A Fox Scandal
5:40 What's in your glass?
8 Jimmy Stewart sells guitars
11 Christmas Shoes in July
17:30 Get to know your EP
31 Things Erik Has Committed to Memory
32 Katrina attempts to tell a funny story
35 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?
52 Is your homepage Yahoo?!
Britain is just one-upping us, Pants gets into the booming ocean market, the boys buy their father a 3D printer, and James Taylor wants you to smash that like button.
0 Self awareness
3:30 Pants didn't know who Brexit was
6:45 Independence Day Resurgence was not good (spoilers)
17 Independence Day spoilers over / #Content
25 Erik Drinks Something Gross and Tells Everyone About It
29 Andy's Oceans
44:30 James Taylor's Conjecture Wormhole
53 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?
The boys discuss how Metallica didn't sell out, they pitch their new restaurant review app WELP, and help you lose weight with their own super effective diet programs which are also just crippling disabilities.
0 SATURDAY NIGHT BAGS
4 Imagine, OK, you're Metallica
12 Andrew is Charlie from It's Always Sunny
15 That's Not How That Works: Twister
25 The boys pitch their own amazingly effective diet programs
29 News that I'm Not Totally Convinced Isn't Andrew
34 What's More Dangerous Than Aspartame?
The boys play 'what's in your can?', Pants convinces everyone to vote for Trump, and hey, uh, sorry about the Hitler thing.
1 This is a T-shirt that I've cut the sleeves off of
4 What's in your can?
9 Pants impersonates Hillary Clinton and convinces you to vote for Trump
22 Good Friends of the Podcast: ISIS?
38 Hitler: "It could've been better"
44 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?
Pants complains about Europe like a good American, the moon isn't real, we found Pooneh, and Stu Pickles destroys his family.
2:30 What's In Pants's Glass?
7 The boys defend Facebook / complain about Europe
16 That's not what an airhorn sounds like / Go Fighting Hockeys!
24 Pants attempts reasoned discourse with idiots
37 Baby Murder: Rated G
51:30 We found Pooneh!
55 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?
1:10:00 A new segment! Trigger Warning
This week, Jerry Seinfeld is 35 and white and perfect and can't stop making fun of minorities, Pants becomes an adult through a series of trials ending at the DMV, and we all get fucked by Hulk Hogan. We also say goodbye to a dear friend of the podcast: Rob Ford.
1 The World's Worst Soundboard
8 Bags gets an oil change and almost dies?
18 Trees are miracles
24 Fuckin' Ralphie May (and Jerry Seinfeld)
33 Pants becomes an adult, finally, maybe
51 Hulk Hogan drops the leg on Gawker
1:01 In Memoriam: Rob Ford
1:05 #WorstSong to play in the background of your sex tape with Hulk Hogan
1:19 What's In Pants's Glass?
The boys celebrate Christmas with Arby's, Pants commits identity fraud rather easily, Donald Trump bangs a turtle, and the NWO comes to defend Hulk Hogan in his sex tape trial with Gawker.
1 We are half-wrapped
2 An Arby's Company Christmas
15 Pants commits identity fraud
19 Don't @ Me, Bro
35 Donald Trump and naked tortoises
45 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?
1h The Oozing Machismo, Attorney at Law
In part one of an epic two-part episode, the boys pitch the latest in partying and drinking technology, Pants defends Dennis the Menace, and John Kasich drops out of the presidential race to sell safety belts.
0 We don't know what to do with our hands
4 What's in your glass, Pants?
5 Bags drinks stupid fucking hipster drinks
11 Partini: It's a Party in a Glass
20 Part One: John Kasich buys a seatbelt
31 Backstory: What's the Impression that He Got?
42 Pants can't believe Dennis the Menace gets such a bad rap
46 #WorstSong to play as your first dance at your wedding
53 What's More Dangerous Than Aspartame?